Socks, as Good as Dead, but Not Quite

We have three dogs.  We acquired Moo when my son Abram went off to grad school.  Sadie was my father-in-law’s dog.  When he passed away, Sadie came to us as part of the estate.  Then there is Socks.

When my oldest daughter turned eight, she wanted a dog.  We bought her a beagle, named Jewel, who wouldn’t stay home.  Jewel had a romantic encounter with a Labrador Retriever, and before we knew it, puppies were on the way.  I put my foot down and said we could not keep any puppies.  My children whined and pleaded.  We negotiated down to keeping one puppy.  Then the puppies were born. 

There were six.  I grew up where dogs were often given the name “Dog.”  The children gave every puppy a first and middle name.  Pleas were entered 10 minutes after the last one was born to keep all the puppies.  Negotiations continued for the next six weeks.  We finally settled on keeping two: Nickel and Socks, the runt of the litter.

Socks and Nickel inherited their mother’s wandering blood.  Socks learned how to climb the chain link fence and then open the gate for her sister.  They would then room the woods, tracking deer, crossing roads.  Because the church was near my house, I would often look out my office window and see my dogs hot on the trail of some critter.  I received about three calls a week: “Do you know your dogs are out preacher?”  “Yep.  They’ll come home when they get hungry.”

Her sister Nickel died about ten years ago and without her running buddy, Socks became a homebody.  She aged gracefully, never demanding attention, but content to sleep, eat, and pass gas.  Sounds like retirement for some folks I know.

About a year ago, when Socks was fifteen, we found her staring blankly at a wall.  We took her to the vet and found out she’d had a stroke.  Her heart was weak, so she was given medicine to strengthen her heart and an anti-depressant to keep her alert (who knew dogs could take anti-depressants?).  She perked up and was doing pretty well for someone 105 in dog years.

Then last week, she crashed.  Socks wouldn’t eat or drink.  She seemed crippled in her back legs.  Off to the vet we went. 

You know you are getting older when the vet turns out to be someone your kids went to high school with.  The vet took some blood samples and did an echo-cardiogram.  She came in to tell me that Sock’s heart was worse and the blood tests showed her kidneys were shutting down.  The outlook wasn’t good.  The vet kindly offered to euthanize Socks, but I wanted the family to have a chance to say good-bye.

I brought her home and we all loved on her, knowing her time was short.  She wasn’t eating or drinking.  For two days, I checked on her every hour to make sure she was still breathing.

Then on the third day, Socks drank a little water.  In the night, she had a horrific bowel movement (I slept through it, so my wife caught the worst of it).  We were sure the third day would be her last. 

I can’t stand to see anyone or anything hungry, a trait I get from my father.  I offered Socks some peanut butter and she nibbled it.  Later, Gina fed her a spoon of canned dog food.  The next day she ate some dry dog food and chicken.  By the fifth day, she cleaned her bowl and looked at me expectantly wanting more.  The other dogs, after avoiding her for days the way well people avoid sick people, began to interact with her.  By the sixth day, it was clear Socks was not going to die, she was going to live.

Twice in the New Testament (Romans 4 and Hebrews 11) Abraham is referred to as a man “as good as dead.”  He was, after all, 100 years old in people years.  But God had other plans.  God enabled him to father a son, Isaac.  A few years later, after his wife Sarah died, he married a younger woman and had whole clan of children.  Apparently, being “as good as dead” is not the same as “dead.”

Before you give up on your life, before you give up on God’s promises, before you give up on your future, before you decide you are “as good as dead,” check with God.  “As good as dead” is not the same as “dead.”  Just because someone else has given up on you, or just because you have given up on yourself, doesn’t mean God is done with you.

I’ve been tempted to go back to the vet.  I don’t really think I need to pay $50 for the vet to tell me, “Well, she’s not dead.”  I can see that for myself. 

Open your eyes.  Open your soul.  See that our good God is not done with you yet.

Totally Worth the Price

It’s the standard joke among fathers of the bride: “For your daughter’s wedding you have two roles: First, when asked ‘Who gives this woman to be married to this man,’ you respond, ‘Her mother and I.’  Second, open your wallet and surrender all your cash and credit cards.  In the run up to my daughter Hannah’s wedding, I heard a hundred variations of this joke.

I even joined in the joking.   I told people God gave a man two kidneys so he could sell one on the black market to pay for his daughter’s wedding.  If he had more than one daughter, there was always dialysis.  I approached dads with two-year-old girls and asked them how much they had saved for their daughter’s wedding.  It was my way of sharing the panic.

Weddings today can get out of hand.  The old standard was a reception in the church social hall with wedding cake, mixed nuts, mints, and lime sherbet punch.  According to a survey done by The Knot, the average wedding in the United States now runs around $36,000.  One wedding venue we contacted told us they had not done a wedding in the last ten years for less than $50,000 (not including dresses, flowers, and lodging).  While most of my life I’ve tried to be above average, this was one time I wanted to be below average – way below.

Gina and I were nervous about the money, I’ll admit.  We had set aside some funds, but nowhere near enough for even a basic wedding.  We scrimped and saved, robbed Peter to pay Paul (which is not actually in the Bible).  More than once we had the tough conversation: How much can we afford?  When a friend told us “A wedding is like buying a new Mercedes and then driving it over a cliff,” we had to ask ourselves, “Is this worth it?”

The weekend for Hannah’s wedding finally came.  In a word, it was ‘amazing.’  During the rehearsal dinner, there were wonderful speeches affirming her and her husband to be.  When she made her speech about me and her mother, I cried.  The wedding itself was like something out of Disney: the sky was robin’s egg blue, a gentle breeze was blowing, the birds were singing (literally), and Hannah was beautiful in her wedding dress. Her groom cleaned up pretty good, too.  During the minister’s prayer, I keep my eyes open (Don’t judge, I know you keep your eyes open too) just drinking it all in.  Psalm 118:24 kept running through my mind: “This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it!”   The reception was magical, with good food, family, friends, and dancing.  When the night was over, I knew my daughter knew she was loved and treasured.  It was a weekend of amazing grace.

The next day, as Gina and I bathed in the afterglow, God put two powerful thoughts in my soul.  First, it was worth it.  All my anxiety about the cost of the wedding was totally useless.  It was worth every penny to see her happy, joyful, and loved.  She is my precious child; why wouldn’t I want her to have a moment like this?  I know enough of life to know there will be moments that drain her.  There will be other times she must fight uphill battles.  There will be days when life floods her.  To provide her with a gift of a special time of love and joy – of course I want that for her.  I decided I would not be one of those dads that complains in perpetuity about the cost of my daughter’s wedding.  Instead, I will claim as graceful day of joy.

The second thought God put in my soul was the simple truth of the John 3:16: “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten son that whosoever believes in him will not perish but have everlasting life.”

God loves you, God treasures you.  So God paid an absurd price for you.  He gave his only son Jesus for you.  Your sins, the ugliness of your life and past, are wiped away by the beauty of Jesus’ perfect life, sacrifice, and resurrection.  God never complains about the price he paid for you. 

No wonder Paul and John refer to the collection of Jesus followers as “the bride of Christ.”  The Book of Revelation describes a scene where the bride of Christ comes down out of heaven as a bride adorned for her husband.  The pivotal moment in the history of heaven is a wedding.

I don’t know if this will happen exactly this way, but I can imagine in that moment, in the new heaven and the new earth, when Christ and his bride come together, that our heavenly Father is keeping his eyes open on the beauty the moment.  And in that moment, our heavenly Father looks at us and says, “No regrets.  You are totally worth the price.” 

Stupidity Versus Courage…

Google “Stupidity” and you will be rewarded with videos of people taking chances with their lives.  On a dare, people will hold a lit Roman Candle.  For a thrill, people will hang off a cliff, using only one hand.  To prove either their womanhood or their manhood, people will do stupid stunts, like chug a gallon of beer. 

Not all stupidity is recorded on video.  Stupidity can be telling your wife she looks fat in that dress.  Stupidity can be telling your boss he has no idea what he is talking about.  Stupidity can be letting your sixteen-year-old son have the keys to your truck and not giving him a time to come home.  Stupidity can be taunting an alligator who is immobile with a chunk of raw meat.

Stupidity can also be a failure to act.  More than once someone has told me, “I was so stupid to let her go.”  My unspoken pastoral response is usually, “Yep.”   You can be stupid because you see only through your own bias.  A man told me his Dad could have bought land at the beach for two dollars an acre in the 1930’s, but turned down the deal because he didn’t think it was good farm land. 

See the pattern?  Stupidity rises from responding to someone else’s agenda.  Stupidity happens when you fail to consider outcomes.  Stupidity is fed by passivity.  Ultimately, people do stupid things because their decisions are centered on themselves.

Courage, on the other hand, is less often the subject of videos.  Courage is seldom funny; maybe that’s why there are few videos of it.  Courage always begins with a cause.  It is less about proving yourself, and more about submitting yourself.  The solider who moves into the line of fire, the fireman who goes into the burning building, and the policeman who moves toward the shooter are deciding to offer their lives for the protection of others.  They all have a cause.

True courage rises out of a value, a belief.  A mother values her child, so she stays up without sleep to rock that child when he or she is sick.  A teacher values the lives of her students, so she puts herself between them and the gunman.  A pastor values the truth, so he preaches a message that may offend some people who need offending. 

To be courageous means if you lose, you know why you’ve lost and have decided it is worth it.  You run for office, knowing you probably won’t win, but knowing you will get to speak your convictions.  You turn down a business deal, knowing your company needs the money, but knowing also the deal requires you to sacrifice your integrity on the altar of profit.  Courage is not about winning; it is about being grounded.

Courage is not the absence of fear; it is being controlled by something or someone greater than fear.  You are afraid a conversation might lead to conflict; you push past the fear so you can speak a truth that needs to be known between you and another person.  You hate snakes; you realize you are the only one in the house who can get the snake out of your child’s room.  Your love propels your courage past your fear.

It is tempting to say the world needs courageous people more than ever.  I’m not sure that’s true.  What I do know is courageous people are the ones who change the world, and our world needs changing.

No wonder God says again and again, “Be strong and be of good courage.”  To follow Jesus means you will trust Jesus more than you trust your fears.  It is being controlled by the Spirit of God who will go before you and guide you.

Speak up.  Act.  Live knowing that he who is in you, is greater than he who in the world.  You can’t lose.

Paige Patterson: What Goes Around, Comes Around

Paige Patterson, the President of The Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, was forcibly retired from his position last night.  Patterson has come under fire for counsel he gave a woman in 2000 – that she should stay in her marriage to her abusive husband and pray for him; and for comments in 2014 that a teenage girl was “built.”  An allegation surfaced yesterday that while President at Southeastern Theological Seminary, he told a student who had been raped to forgive her rapist, while failing to report the rape to police.

If you did not live through the Southern Baptist Conservative Resurgence of the 1980’s and 1990’s, you may not understand the strong emotions evoked by Paige Patterson.  Patterson was the leader of the Conservative movement, which gained political control of the Southern Baptist Convention.  The goal of the movement was to change the direction of theological education in Southern Baptist Seminaries.  If you were in favor of the Conservative Resurgence, Patterson tends to be your hero.  If you were in the moderate camp, Patterson was the enemy.

During the years of the controversy, I was in seminary at ground-zero of the battle: The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, in Louisville, KY.  Southern was long thought to be filled with liberals who denied the Bible.  Several friends counseled me against attending Southern, telling me it would wreck my faith.

The Conservatives in the Southern Baptist wars had an effective tactic: they would examine a professor’s writings, teaching, and speeches, then lift material to “prove” that a professor was liberal.  This was done at times with integrity; at other times, it was done indiscriminately, ripping material out of context.  Two or three sentences would be splashed on the pages of Conservative publications to prove the professor was “liberal.”  Often, no effort was given to balancing the offending material with the larger body of the professor’s work.  “Fair and balanced” treatment got in the way of the goal to purge the SBC of liberals.

At this point I should explain academics.  Academics have their own sub-dialect.  They are writing to an academic audience and must respond to academic concerns.  How do I know this?  God called me to complete a Ph.D. degree, even though I am not by nature an academic.  My six years in the academic pressure-cooker taught me you must read closely and deeply to find the true point of view of an academic, especially in the world of Biblical commentary and theology.  What surprised many of my friends was I emerged from twelve years at Southern with a stronger commitment to scripture than when I entered.   I was trained to separate the wheat from the chaff.

Were there professors who were liberal?  Yes.  Were mainstream professors falsely accused of being liberal?  Yes.  Were tertiary issues placed as primary issues in making judgments about professors and their employment?  Yes.  Like all revolutions, the Conservative Resurgence in the SBC hurt many innocent people.  Damage was done to the body of Christ.  It can be argued that the damage to the innocent was necessary to drive out the poison.  Only God can accurate judge whether harming the innocent was worth the cure.

What does all of this have to do with Paige Patterson?  Patterson supporters are saying you cannot judge a man based two or three incidents in his past.  Patterson detractors are rejoicing that Patterson is finally being held accountable.  It is ironic to me, however, that Patterson is being forced out by people using the same set of tactics he and his troops employed in the SBC Conservative Resurgence. 

I am not a Patterson fan, but I do not wish him harm.  My Lord Jesus told me to love my brothers and sisters in Christ, whether they be liberal or conservative, fundamentalist or moderate, whether I agree with them or not.

In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus said, “Do not judge, lest you be judged.  For with the judgment you make, you will be judged, and the measure you give will be the measure you get.”  Patterson’s downfall reminds me judgment is frightening exercise for the followers of Jesus.  I need to always remember God is the judge.  If I am called by God to stand for truth, I must make sure I do so with grace and fairness. Before I accuse, I must know a person’s whole story and compare it to my own.  Then I must ask the pivotal question: “Am I willing to have this judgment that I am about to hand out put on my life?”

Five Decisions (Not Resolutions) for Leaders for 2018

Already my inbox is full of blog posts telling me what resolutions I need to make for 2018.  Here’s the problem with resolutions: they’re often made, but seldom kept.  Andy Stanley put it best: “Direction, not intention, determines destination.”  Direction is a result of a decision.

Let me encourage you to make five decisions this week that will set the stage for a better 2018:

1.  Build Your Core.   Your core is what provides you with energy to lead.  Maybe you’re great at taking care of your physical core.  What about your spiritual core?  Maybe you need to strengthen your spiritual self by deciding to pursue a new spiritual practice, like fasting.

How’s your emotional core?  Every decision a leader makes contains an emotional element.  If you don’t know your emotional self, or if it is in shambles, dive into your emotional core to do what needs to be done.  Decide to see a counselor.  Go to a twelve-step meeting. 

The reason most leaders neglect their core is time.  Face this reality: neglecting your core will lead to burn out.  You are not the exception.  Your body, or your soul, or your emotions will flame out. 

Make the decision to take care of your core.

2.  Care deeper.  People want to know how much the leader cares before they care how much the leader knows.  Tom Peters has tried to teach us: “Do Management by Wandering Around (MBWA).”  Connect to the people you lead.  Go into work and stop by someone’s desk who recently lost a parent.  Ask: “How are you – really?”  Listen.  The ten minutes this stop takes will result in you being a better human being.  You can’t be a better leader if you aren’t a better human being.

I understand the pressure is on to get results.  I also know employees who know they matter are more productive.  I also know customers want to know they matter to you.  When is the last time you called a customer not to sell, but just to see how they are?

Face to face is best.  Calls are good.  Emails are marginal.  But the worst expression of care is the one that is never given.

Make the decision to care deeper.

3.  Coach wiser.  John Wooden, the great UCLA basketball coach, did not win his first NCAA championship for ten years.  He led his team to the tournament five times before he won his first of ten titles.  What made the difference?  In his autobiography, They Call Me Coach, Coach Wooden shared how he analyzed his team’s performance over all their post season appearances.  He realized at the end of the season, at tournament time, his team was making more mistakes and had less energy.  Coach Wooden made a simple adjustment to his meticulous practice schedule, using scrimmages and drills that required less exertion. The next year, UCLA won the championship.  He coached wiser.

Every leader coaches.  This is the part of leadership that involves planning, strategy, and execution.  Often young leaders (and new head coaches) will brag about not being outworked.  It’s not how many hours you put in, but how you use those hours.  

Decide to analyze your organization and your role in it.  What do you need to stop doing?  What do you need to start doing?  If you were fired tomorrow, what would the new guy do?  Why don’t you do it? 

This requires time to work “On the business, not just in the business (Michael Gerber).”  A senior leader once told me, “The hour I spend each day in my rocking chair thinking about our church is my most valuable contribution to the team.”

Make the decision to coach wiser.

4.  Communicate Clearly.   I’m a speaker and a writer.  I must communicate clearly, right?  Not according to my wife, my kids, my administrative assistant, my direct reports, my supervising board…  You get the picture. 

The reason leaders garble their communication is the same reason they don’t take care of their core: time.  We dash off emails and letters and leave voicemails without thinking empathically.  How will these words be received?  Is this sentence clear?  Do grammatical and spelling errors get in the way of what I’m trying to say? 

Before you send, review.   Before you leave the voicemail, plan what you will say and how your voice will sound.  Don’t “wing it” when it comes to speeches.  Be intentional.  Every time you communicate, someone is encountering your voice for the first time.

Make the decision to communicate clearly.

5.  Be Courageous.  “Hope is not a strategy (Mark Miller).”  We can hope the two employees in conflict can work it out.  We can hope the dysfunction manager is just going through a phase.  We can hope the strategic environment will get clearer.  As important as hope is, it take courage to bring action.

Being courageous means facing reality.  It means facing numbers that tell unpleasant truths.  It means having the hard conversations that will never go perfect.  It means you apologize when you realize there was a better way to handle something.

It takes courageous leadership for an organization to thrive.  It is courage that claims new ground, that faces dysfunction, and that fights against the resistors.

Make the decision to be courageous.

Start 2018 off, not by making resolutions, but by making five key decisions:

1.      Build your core.

2.      Care deeper

3.      Coach wiser

4.      Communicate clearly

5.      Be courageous.

When is the Hill Worth Dying On?

We’ve all heard the question:  Is this a hill worth dying on?

During a recent conversation with a young man I’m mentoring, he asked me, “How do know what hill is worth dying on?”

Great question.  Simple answer: There are fewer hills worth dying on than you think.

More complicated answer:  there is a two part answer.

The first part:  what hill should you not die on?  Quick guidelines:

·        Don’t die on hills of tactics.  When and where are rarely issues to sacrifice yourself on.

·        Don’t die on a hill of strategy.  There are always multiple paths to achieve goals.  Yes, your way may be faster and less expensive.  Maybe your organization needs to do it the hard way first to learn something.  It can be such a little thing to be right.

·        When you are feeling anxious or rushed.  Anxiety distorts reality.  Does the decision need to be made now or can it wait?  People in anxious states become defensive and want to battle because they want to relieve the tension instead of winning the battle.  Often they lose the battle and get more tension.

·        When the hill is irrelevant.  The island-hopping strategy of Admiral Chester Nimitz in World War II was to avoid Japanese strongholds and let them wither on their own.  Instead, he located strategic islands to advance his mission to threaten the Japanese homeland.  There are programs you did not need to battle.  You need to wait for natural deaths.

·        When time is your ally.  In every organization there will be visionaries, early adopters, middle adopters, late adopters, and resistors.  If every hill is a battle, you will alienate the late adopters first, and then the middle adopters.  If you can be patient, the early adopters will convince the middle and late adopters that it is okay to get on board.

The second part:  what hill should you die on?  Quick guidelines:

·        Die on the hill of your mission, once you have buy in.  It takes a church about three years to buy into an understanding of its unique reason for being.  Once that is known, fight for it.  Protect your mission from the leaches who want to add one more thing.  Encourage people who want to do other things to find other churches or organizations to do their thing. 

·        Die on the hill of your core beliefs.  With all due respect to Martin Luther, if you have 95 core beliefs, you have too many.  There should be a few core beliefs that serve as anchors for your organization.  Fight for these.  For example, our church has four core values:  People matter to God, Church is a place of grace, people need to be like Jesus, and everyone has a purpose.  Are there other beliefs that are important?  Sure.  But these four are what we die for.

·        Die on the hill of organizational health.  It shames me that business leaders often feel more protective of their businesses than pastors do of their churches.  As a pastor, I answer to Jesus about the health of my flock.  When unhealth exists, it must be addressed and treated.  Cancers need to be understood and treated.  Some cancers can be eliminated.  For example, if your church has the cancer of poor communication, that can be treated over time.  Fight for that health.  Some cancers must be killed.  For example, if your core leadership says, “We just need to take care of the people we have, not go after new people,” then that cancer needs to be killed by teaching it to death.  Some cancers are incurable.  Jesus himself told us what to do: “If a town will not receive you, shake the dust of that town off your sandals and move on.”  If you are in a church or organization that is toxic, shake the dust off your shoes and leave.  As you leave, someone needs to know the truth about the cancer:  a key lay leader, the body of elders, or the body of deacons.

The Wisdom Challenge:  When the hill is disguised.

Early American pioneers headed west would see the Rocky Mountains rising on the horizon.  They would think they would reach the mountains the next day.  The hills from a distance looked like the mountains back east.  Weeks of travel later, they realized the these where not like the mountains they knew at all; these were mountains like they had never seen before.

The leader must be wise enough to know when the issue isn’t the issue.  An attack may come on a strategy, but it represents a deeper attack on mission and values.  Most “worship wars” present as strategy arguments, but are in fact attacks on mission and values.

Before dying on these hills, fight for clarity.  What is the conflict really about?  I once consulted with a church that had a major conflict between a deacon and the Music Director.  Toward the conclusion of the three-hour meeting, it became clear that the real conflict had to do with an incident that occurred years earlier.  The deacon had extended financial help to the Music Director and did not feel properly appreciated.  This hurt was harbored for years until a strategic decision at church became a flash point.  Once we clarified what the conflict was about, the two parties reached an understanding and reconciled.  A battle over a hill was avoid, because that hill was never the real issue.

Clay’s rules of thumb: 

·        If you are in moderately healthy church, you should face no more than two hills on which to die each year.

·        If you are in a dysfunctional church, you will face a battle to the death that will result in someone leaving.  Decide in advance if it will be you or them.  Don’t fight the battle until you are sure you know the outcome God desires.

·        If you are new in a position in a church, try to put off battles to the death for at least two to three years. 

·        If you are constantly fighting on hills worth dying for, you have a major spiritual issue you need to address.  You probably need the spiritual fruit of patience.  You may be expressing anger stored inside you in an unhealthy way.  Find a mentor, see a counselor, but don’t take it out on your church.

Braving the Wilderness:

Title:  Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone.

Author: Brene’ Brown.  Connections: University of Houston; Conference Speaker, Author of Daring Greatly. 

Summation: We all long to belong. 

Big Ideas:  The world is in spiritual crisis of dis-connection.  How to solve it: People are hard to hate close up, so move closer.  Speak truth to bullshit but be civil about it.  Hold hands with strangers.  Strong back, soft front, wild heart.

Value: Inspiration

Takeaways:

·        P. 5 – Take us with you into that story. 

·        P. 5 – Maya Angelou – “You are only free when you realize you belong no place – you belong every place – no place at all.  The price is high.  The reward is great.”

·        P. 15 – “Sometimes the most dangerous thing for kids is the silence that allows them to construct their own stories – stories that almost always cast them as alone and unworthy of love and belonging.”

·        P. 25 – “I can confidently say that stories of pain and courage almost always include two things:  praying and cussing.  Sometimes at the exact same time.”  WCS:  preachers always need to remember this teaching on prayer.  It mirrors the Psalms and Job.

·        P. 33 – People want to be part of something – to experience real connection with others, but not at the cost of their authenticity, freedom or power.  WCS:  Do we think about groups in church this way?  Why not?

·        P. 37 – “True belonging is not passive.”  WCS: Words for relationship with Jesus and group life.

·        P. 38 - To brave the wilderness and stand alone in yourself requires:

o   Boundaries

o   Reliability

o   Accountability

o   Vault – a place to keep confidences

o   Integrity

o   Non-judgment

o   Generosity.

·        P. 40 – “True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are; it requires you to be who you are.”

·        P. 40 – True belonging is the paradox of being with and being alone.

·        P. 51 – The more we segment and sort ourselves into groups we identify with, the great our loneliness.

·        P. 56 – “Terrorism is time released fear.”

·        P. 59 – “Ideological bunkers protect us from everything except loneliness and disconnection.”

·        P. 68 – “Anger is a powerful catalyst but a life-sucking companion.”

·        P. 73 – “Successful dehumanizing … creates moral exclusion… Dehumanizing always starts with language, often followed by images.”  WCS: I’ve seen this in more theological debates than I care to admit.

·        P. 80 – “What is the conversation about and what is it really about?”

·        P. 83 – One of the most courageous things to say in an uncomfortable conversation is “Tell me more.”

·        P. 92-93 – A false dichotomy: If you’re not with me, then you’re my enemy.  WCS:  That’s why Jesus said, “Love your enemies.”

·        P. 107 – “If leaders really want people to show up, speak out, take chances and innovate, we have to create cultures where people feel safe – where their belonging is not threatened by speaking out and they are supported when they make the decision to brave the wilderness, stand along, and speak truth to bullshit.”  WCS: Does your leadership team feel safe to speak truth?

·        P. 121 – I’ve taught my kids that attending funerals is critically important and when you’re there, you show up.  You take part.  Every song.  Every prayer.

·        P. 122- In the age of YouTube, being there in person is so much more powerful.  WCS:  Why church attendance matters!

·        P. 135 – “The connection that we forge by judging and mocking others is not real connection… But the pain it causes is real pain.”

·        P. 136 – “Common enemy intimacy is counterfeit connection and the opposite of true belonging.”

·        P. 138 – “A woman in her mid-forties explained: ‘I can go to church and have the most amazing experience of spiritual connection.  I feel part of something that transcends difference.  I can also go to church and leave feeling enraged after my priest uses the homily for a platform to talk about politics and endorse candidates.  Those experiences are becoming more and more common.  At some point it won’t be worth going back.”  WCS:  PREACHERS, HAVE EARS AND LISTEN!

·        P. 144 – “It takes courage to open ourselves up to joy.”

·        P. 145 – “I can’t find a single example of courage that didn’t require vulnerability.”

·        P. 156 – “The key to joy is practicing gratitude.”

Buy? Yes, if you're comfortable with ruthless, cussing, Texas honesty.

Do They Know Where You Are?

It’s one of my favorite tricks. 

On a recent Sunday I wasn’t preaching.   After doing some Ministry By Wandering Around (MBWA) at our Loring Mill campus, I went down to visit our Pocalla campus.  After doing some MBWA there, I headed back to Loring Mill and stopped for a Diet Coke at store near Pocalla.   As the cashier rang up my purchase, I asked, “Could you tell me where Pocalla Church is?” 

She said, “I think if you go up to the Piggly Wiggly, and turn left, and then go down the one-way street, it’s there.”  I thanked her, and walked out with invaluable market research.  She had just given me directions to the BBQ hut.  She didn’t know where our campus was located; in fact, she sent me in the exact opposite direction.

If people don’t know where you are, they can’t come to you.

Most churches and many businesses are over-confident that people know their location.  Churches especially over-estimate their brand recognition and community profile.

I was doing a revival for a church in Kentucky.  This church was the largest in town by a fair margin, and was located one block off the main drag.  I went to three stores to ask directions.  Twice the cashiers told me they had never heard of the church – including one store three blocks from the church.  The third cashier told me she had heard of the church, but had no idea where it was.

When I shared this story with the church, there was shock.  They couldn’t believe people didn’t know them.  One older lady approached me after the service and wanted to know if I had gotten the name of the church right when I asked for directions!

How do you help people know where you are?

1.      Include your address on everything you do.  Think this is simple?  I saw a Facebook ad for a large ministry that failed to identify the location of an event. 

2.      If you are off the beaten path, include a simple map on publications.  You may think in the age of Google Maps you don’t need to, but people still need a picture of where you are.

3.      Make sure your social media provides your address and directions.

4.      Regularly post a map of your location on Instagram.

5.      Regularly take homemade cookies to cashiers at stores near your church or business.  Be sure they know who brought them and where you are.

6.      Make sure you have visible directional signs on main thoroughfares.

7.      Make sure your sign is simple and visible from the road.  One of my pet peeves:  Church signs that are parallel with the street.  Great for pedestrians; horrible for cars.  Invest in signage that is positioned at a 90 degree angle to the street with your identity on both sides. 

8.      In an era of information overload, this is a battle that never ends.  You have to constantly keep your profile up in the community.

Try the Cashier test.  Let me know what it tells you about community awareness of your church!

Kill The Spider by Carlos Whittaker: Book Review

Title:  Kill the Spider

Author: Carlos Whittaker.  Connections: North Point Ministries, Catalyst, CarlosWhittaker.com

Summation: Carlos tells his story of overcoming addiction to success, significance and porn during an experiential therapy retreat.

Big Idea:  We all have spiders (issues or addictions) that want to spin cobwebs to control our lives.  Don’t spend your life cleaning out cobwebs; kill the spider.

Value: Inspiration

Takeaways:

·        P. 13 – No one does anything about spiders until they come out of hiding.

·        P. 20 – “I just know that I’ve gone my entire life receiving blessing after blessing and then rubbing crap on it.”

·        P. 22 – Don’t be a professional at cleaning the cobwebs from your life.  Find the producer of cobwebs and kill the spider.

·        P. 41 – From his wife Heather: “You are not there to fix them.  You are there to fix you.”

·        P. 49 – Spiders don’t start big.  The longer we ignore them, the longer we allow them to feed on our mistakes and fears and spin their cobwebs of sin, the harder it is to kill them.

·        P. 51 – “A spider is an agreement with a lie you believe.  A cobweb is any medicator that brings false comfort to that lie.”

·        P. 60 – “We are going to have to dig back to the point of trauma or to the point of pain and stare it in the eyes.”

·        P. 81 – “Maybe I always just assumed Jesus was real.  I never really found out for myself.”

·        P. 93 – “The spider, the lie was identified as: ‘I must do to be loved.’”

·        P. 123 – “If I believe in the God of the impossible, then why do I not believe in the God of the possible?”

Buy? Yes.

What Story Do You Want to Them to Tell?

We bought a new care recently.  Actually, a new used car. 

When it came down to price, I presented the salesman with my research and my price.  He did the walk to the sales manager and came back with a figure.  I came up about as far as I could.  Still $250 apart.  He goes back to the sales manager.  Comes back and tells me with their price unchanged and the sales manager saying this is the best we can do.

I ask to see the sales manager.  He comes over.  I figure by this time, he should realize I have done my research, am a serious buyer and want to continue to negotiate.  We shake hands, have a few words about basketball, and then he tells me that is his best price.  I counter with my numbers and he doesn’t negotiate.  I ask to meet half way.  He doesn’t budge.  Then I say to him, “What story do you want us to tell about our experience.  I tell him we can tell a story of how they gave us a great car and really worked with us, or we can tell a story of how we got the car but had a negative buying experience.” I ask again, “What story do you want us to tell?” 

He says, “I hope you will tell the story of how you got a haggle free price.”  He goes on to elaborate about how they don’t haggle over prices.  Something in my mind is puzzled, because we have been haggling for the past 15 minutes.  He actually says, “If you were at CarMax, they wouldn’t haggle with you at all.”  My comeback before I can stop myself: “I’m not at Car Max.  I’m here.”

The sales manager starts to get combative.  I make no response.  My wise wife expresses her feelings, “We are trying to work with you, but we do not feel you are working with us.  Is that worth $250 to you?” 

The sales manager unhappily comes down a $100 and we take the deal.  His last words, “For $100, I’ll buy your endorsement.”

Love the car, hated the car buying experience. 

What does this have to do with your organization? 

How many people today profess to love God and hate the church?

Focus on this:  What story do you want people to tell when they leave your church?  The sales manager never got in tune with the story I wanted to tell: I got a bargain.  He was so tuned into to his own narrative (the haggle free price) he missed what the customer really wanted.

What story do you want people to tell? "Everyone was so friendly!"  "Nobody spoke to me."  "The preacher felt like he was talking to me, not yelling at me."  "I felt like was five years old again, in my Grandma's church."  What story do you want people to tell?

When people walk away from your church, you want them to feel like they matter to God and that church is a place of grace.  Everything we do should be geared toward people experiencing what we say we believe.  The environment we create by our behavior shows that we love as Jesus loves us.

Isn’t that what every one really wants?  Isn’t that the real story – the Good News?

When Do You Restore and When Do You Let Go?

Every leader I know, if they’re honest, must confess they have done something that disqualifies them from leadership.  Maybe it was a bad decision.  Maybe it was an ethical lapse.  Maybe it was a simple mistake. Maybe it was a moral failure no one found out about.  Maybe everyone found out about the moral failure.  Romans 3:23 (“For all have fallen short of the glory of God”) applies to leaders too.

I crossed boundaries as a young man that should have disqualified me for leadership..  I made mistakes as a seasoned leader that could have resulted in dismissal.  Why have I been allowed to stay in leadership while others have been forced to step down?  I was blessed to have some people around me who knew when to restore and when to let go.

Restore when:

1.      It’s a mistake, not a willful rebellion.

2.      The leader owns responsibility for his or her sin or mistake.

3.      Time has been allowed for healing for all the parties involved.

4.      Third party counseling is used over multiple sessions.

5.      Public confession and repentance (when appropriate) has occurred.

6.      The leader has stepped aside for a season to work on his or her issues and is now in a healthier place.

7.      It’s a mistake that can be easily rectified.

Let go when:

1.      There is no acknowledgement of sin or mistake.

2.      There is no attempt to make amends.

3.      Counseling is refused.

4.      The leader shifts blame to someone else.

5.      The sin or mistake, by nature of those it impacts, makes it impossible the leader to continue in his or her role.

6.      The leader involved will not make decisions to change his or her conduct.

7.      The leader’s position demands credibility that has been lost.

Factors not to put in play:

1.      Holding onto to someone because they are a “high performance” player.

2.      The dread of having to find a new leader.

3.      Nepotism, mentor/mentee relationship, friendship, external business relationship, etc.

4.      Fear that “we’ll never find anyone that good again.”

5.      Fear of other organizational or personal secrets being disclosed.

6.      Pressures from those not in leadership who are supporters of the leader.

7.      Although this should go without saying, hoping it the situation will go away.

Bottom line: Pray hard for God’s leadership, hold to your values, be courageous.

Seven Questions to Ask When Dealing With a Moral Failure

What happens when someone in leadership has a moral failure?

Moral failures are not just crossing sexual boundaries; they include patterns of deceit, theft, harassment, assault and more.  Each situation is unique, but here are some common questions to guide leaders as they make decisions.

1.       How Bad Is It?  Misusing a church credit card for a personal expense one time deserves a reprimand, a second chance, and keeping a close eye on expenditures.  Charging $5,000 on a church credit card over multiple shopping trips deserves dismissal and possible criminal charges.  That’s why you need a team to analyze the impact of the offense.

2.      What message are you sending?  A student intern crossed a line with student of the opposite sex.  The Student Pastor saw great potential in the intern for ministry and pleaded for the intern to be kept in his position.  The pastor wisely saw the student involved would feel devalued and unsafe if the intern were left in the position.  Both the student and the intern needed to understand the matter was serious, even if it happened one time.

3.      Does the leader with the failure own it?  Listen closely to the leader’s statements.  Do they attempt to blame someone else for their choices?  Do they minimize their conduct and its impact?  Listen for something like this: “I made a terrible mistake.  I sinned.  I’m sorry.”  The person is dealing in the truth.  God can heal and redeem when people deal in the truth.

4.      What story do church leaders need to tell?  I get that churches need to be legally smart.  I also know that absent good information, people will connect the dots in the most pathological way possible.  To me, it’s devastating to the church’s reputation and to the reputation of the Kingdom of God for the story in the paper to be: “The church, citing legal counsel, refused to comment.”  The smartest thing legally may be to say nothing, but church and organizational health matter as well.  There is a way to tell the story and protect yourself legally.  For example, in the case of an employee who physically threatened another employee, you need to share that employee failed to uphold the values of the church, and thus had to be dismissed.

5.      Who are the innocent?  The innocent may be the family of the leader, who had no idea there was an issue.  The innocent may include those impacted by the moral failure.  I do think churches should provide for families when the church leader has failed.  However, I think the assistance needs to be structured in such a way so the family is helped and the church leader is not enabled.

6.      What is the right help to provide?  In church world, it is appropriate to surround a failed leader with prayer (not a bad strategy for all other organizations as well).  Provide counseling from a third-party provider for victims.  If the leader with the moral failure is truly repentant, offer third-party counseling for the leader also.  Church leaders greatly overestimate their ability to offer helpful counseling when a leader’s failure impacts their own organization or congregation.

7.      Are you the prophet? I’ve found myself in this role more often that I wanted.  Prophets don’t just tell the future; prophets declare the truth to people who are in denial.  Change doesn’t happen until a person faces the truth.  Often it means they must hit bottom first.  When a leader with a moral failure off loads responsibility, shifts blame, or minimizes what has occurred, church leaders have no choice but to be the hard edge of the truth.  That may mean letting someone go without a severance package.  It means refusing to give a good reference when it can’t be done authentically (also known as “lying”).  It’s a hard calling, but sometimes God wants you to be truth that accelerates the impact of reality.

I know no one wants to deal with the moral failure of a leader.  Chances are you will, and you need some good questions in your back pocket to get your started.

Us, Too…

Harvey Weinstein, the Broadway and Hollywood producer has been accused by more than a dozen women of sexual assault and rape.  While I believe a person is innocent until proven guilty, the accusations against Weinstein have unleashed a wave of courageous women stepping forward to say, “Me, too.”

I’d like to pretend such things don’t happen in church world, but they do.  Kay Warren (wife of Rick Warren) and Beth Moore have stepped forward to describe their own encounters with predators.  My acquaintance, Molly Marshall, shared that her married Elementary Greek instructor at seminary hit on her in the seminary library.  When she did not respond to his advances, her grade was lowered from a “A” to an “A-.”

I remember interviewing a Children’s Pastor candidate who told me she was on her knees, working in a supply closet, when her pastor came by and remarked, “I like to see a woman on her knees.”  His tone made it clear he was not talking about prayer.

Jesus told us lust is the same as committing adultery.  The word Jesus used means to crave something intensely.  Lusting is not noticing a woman is a woman, or that a woman is attractive (or, for that matter, that man is a man or a man is attractive).  Lust is seeing a person as an object.  Lust is craving a person to merely satisfy your own appetite.  Jesus told us we are more than our appetites (as opposed to Freud).

Every one of us has given in to our appetites.  Almost every man I know, including myself, has objectified woman at some point in time.  I feel ashamed of my juvenile attitudes.  I have sought to make amends as appropriate for actions of the past.  I think every man should.  I know women can lust as well, but I am not able to address that point of view.

When we read stories about Harvey Weinstein, we must say, “Me, too.  There have been points in my life when I let my sexual appetite take control.”  When our sexual appetites take control, we make people like a candy bar we crave.  God made us to be more than objects – that’s the belief of Jesus followers.

As Jesus followers, we should not expect non-Jesus followers to live by Jesus’s values.  I don’t think we should delight when Hollywood gets caught in a contradiction of its own values.  We must confess there is a sexual assault issue in the church we cannot ignore.  We have no room for self-righteousness.

We declare courageously Jesus offers a different way of seeing a person’s worth.  A person is valued not because of their sexuality, but because they are created in the image of God.

But more than this, the church must ruthlessly confront any effort to exploit a person sexually.  There must be no double standard for male or female.  No one in church should ever fear sexual assault or suggestiveness. 

We may say something we think is funny, but it is harmful.  When we realize we’ve caused offense in Jesus’s church, we must apologize at once and seek forgiveness.  We must call out those whose “hugs” are pathetic attempts at sexual gratification, and tell them such behavior is not tolerated.  We must speak truth that suggestive sexual comments have no place in the body of Christ.  All people need to feel safe in Jesus’s church.

When a pastor or a church leader is guilt of sexual assault (verbal or physical), that person needs to step away from church leadership.  No matter how gifted they are as a leader or a preacher, we cannot allow them to stay in a position “for the sake of the ministry.”  There are hills worth dying on and this is one.

Years ago, I was teaching on lust on a Wednesday night.  One of our more conservative members spoke up to declare the problem was not men, but what women were wearing.  If only they wore more clothes, he said, lust would not be a problem for him. 

I thought a moment, then replied there was a flaw in his argument.  No one can make you lust, just as no one can make you sin.  Sin is your choice.

His response, “Preacher, when a woman takes off all her clothes in front of you, I have no choice but to lust.” 

I didn’t want to explore what that statement meant.  But God gave me the words I needed at just the moment.  Before I knew what was coming out of my mouth, I said, “It’s her choice to take off her clothes.  It’s my choice to close my eyes.”

Make the choice that honors Jesus.

If I Pastored a Country Church

I’m a product of a good, strong country church.  When I was in high school, I noted I was related to every deacon, one way or another (I was related twice to some).  I love my home church.

Country churches (and small town churches, too) are different.  Donna Chisum once reminded me, “The smaller the community, the greater the need for community.” 

So what would I do if I pastored a country church?

If I pastored a country church, I’d remember relationships matter more in the country.  Cousins are closer in the country.  Relationships can be tangled, and not easily discarded.  If a friend lets you down, there may not be a deep pool of replacements to choose from.  You may put up with a difficult boss because he is your wife’s second cousin and good jobs are hard to find.  I’d also remember relationships last a long time in the country.  The relational economy moves slower and memories are long.  In one of the country churches I served, I did not know that one of my stalwart deacons and key leaders in the church had been married and divorced.  Everyone else knew but me.  Once I discovered this fact, the dynamics of many deacon’s meetings became sense.

If I pastored a country church, I would visit a lot.   Kennon Callahan wisely advised, “For every hour you spend preparing to preach, spend an hour visiting.”  Visitation is not dead, it’s just relocated.  There’s a place in most rural communities where the men gather for breakfast.  If I pastored in the country, I’d eat breakfast there three times a week and touch a dozen people.  I would visit house to house at least two afternoons a week.  It is still possible to do door to door visitation in small towns and in the country.  I’d tell people if they ever need a pastor, call me.  I’d invite them to church.

If I pastored a country church, I would make sure my sermons had stories.  I’m not saying content needs to be watered down.  Country folks are not dumb.  But most country folks I know love a good story.  I’d make sure my stories related to their world.  When I pastored in rural Kentucky, my stories about growing orange trees didn’t connect very well.  But my stories about dealing with cows did;  almost everyone had twenty acres and five cows.  When I moved into Louisville to pastor, neither my cow or orange stories worked very well.

If I pastored a country church, I’d find out who makes the decisions.  In every church there a couple of people who really make the decisions.  They may or may not be on a committee.  But if one of these folks think it’s a good idea to paint the church, the church will get painted.   Young pastors particularly bristle at the idea of needing the permission of lay leaders to get things done.  I know I did.  But the reality is these key leaders have seen pastors come and go and they consider themselves as protectors of the church.  They may not approve of everything you do, but if they are on your side, whatever it is you think God is calling the church to do will get easier.

If I pastored a country church, I’d show up.  I know, you can’t be everywhere.  But I’d show up at every high school football game (or basketball game, depending on what part of the country you’re in).  I’d serve in a booth at the county fair.  I’d go to the local hospital to visit at least four days a week.  If something was going on at church, I’d stick my head to say “Hi!”  I might not stay the whole time, but I’d show up. My sister-in-law serves on a key committee at her church.  She recently told me the pastor didn’t come to the meetings.  What the pastor was communicating, intentionally or unintentionally, was “I don’t care what you do.”  Bad message to send. 

Finally, if I pastored a country church, I’d spend time on the job.  Most country folks work a job and then have their side job.  They may work in town (old timers in Kentucky called it ‘public’ work), but as soon they come home, they are on a tractor, or fixing a car in the barn, or welding something for a neighbor.  They appreciate a pastor who gets up early and puts in time on the job.

I thought I would be country pastor like my grandfather and uncles.  God had other plans.  But if I had the chance, I’d try these things!

Are You Facing a Community Lid?

When your church or organization stops growing, there’s a reason.  If the church or business wasn’t growing before you came, there’s a reason.  If the organization hasn’t grown in the last 10 (or 20 or 30) years, there’s reason.

What’s the reason? What’s the lid?

It could be community.  If your community is losing population, it’s hard to grow.  You may be doing good to stay even.  Check your demographic data by zip code at US Census By Zip Code.

How do you grow a church or an organization in a stagnant or declining community?  Be willing to reach people no one is reaching.  Most churches in a declining community want to reach an ever shrinking piece of the demographical pie.  They want to reach financially secure people who are eager to become perpetuators of the church’s culture and legacy.

In a declining small town adjacent to us, three “First” type churches remain.  Each is trying to reach people who are like them: Middle class, white, Republican, people who are eager to help the churches perpetuate 1955. 

When I ride through that town, I see African Americans, mixed race couples, Democrats, twice divorced couples who now live together without marriage.  Most of these folks are living paycheck to paycheck, driving trucks, serving as practical nurses, or working at a local plant.  The kids are yours, mine, and ours, and “who knows?”  They do not live in the slowly decaying mansions on Main Street.  They live in low sloped ranch homes on the fringe of town or on five acres in a double wide out in the country.

This is the group that doesn’t go to church anywhere.

How do you reach this group that no one else is reaching?

What do they need?   In church world, the obvious answer is they need Jesus.  But before they meet Jesus, they will most likely need to feel like church is a safe place.  That means the preaching has to change.  They need a gift that shows them you really care – like an offer to take care of their kids for a night – for free.  They need not to be shamed.  They need someone to explain a next step of faith to them over a biscuit at Hardees.  They need someone to call when their kid gets busted for possession or turns up pregnant at 14. 

The same principles apply to your organization or business.  In the skeptical world we live in now, people ask, “Why should I trust you?”  Have you given them a reason?  They ask, “What’s in it for me?”  What do you bring to them that no one else can?

To reach these folks, churches, businesses, and organizations will have to streamline.  Obsolete ways will have to be thrown overboard.  You will need to try, fail, learn, and try again.

You can grow God’s body wherever there are people who need Jesus.  You simply have to be willing to do what no one else is doing to reach them

Still Learning…

A bonus of being a host church of the Global Leadership Summit is being invited to the debrief in Chicago.  Part of the debrief is getting to do a mentoring Q and A with Bill Hybels.

Bill has one of the best leadership minds I’ve ever encountered.  To be in a room with him is like drinking from a fire hydrant.  My two biggest takeaways, however, had nothing to do with what Bill said.

First, Bill made a reference to a leadership book he recently read.  Here is a guy who is about to transition away from being the lead pastor at an amazing church he founded; who is leadership guru; and who is at the stage of life where he doesn’t need to prove anything, and he is still reading leadership books!  I remember Hybels saying once he has to read about twice as much as he wants to so he can keep up.

Lesson #1:  When you stopping reading, you stop leading.

Second, a well known pastor of a church of 15,000 was in my group.  I see him at this gathering every year.  He was taking notes feverishly.  This guy has done amazing things for Jesus, things I could only dream of.  Yet there he was, legal pad in hand, scribbling as fast as he could. 

Lesson #2: When you decide your organization is so big, you don’t need to learn something new, you just decided to shrink.

Read.  Learn.  Jesus needs good leaders in his church and outside his church representing his Kingdom.

10 Mistakes Church Leaders Make about Finances + One More

This is an excellent blog post by Dan Reiland about the mistakes church leaders make with finances.  Click here.

I’d add one more:  Failure to manage your personal finances well.  This is at the heart of 1 Timothy 3:4 –5:  “He must manage his own household well, keeping his children submissive in every way – for if a someone does not know how to manage his own household, how can he take care of God’s church?”

I’ve known too many church staff members who do not tithe, drown in debt, and are living paycheck to paycheck.

I say this as someone to whom financial discipline does not come naturally.  If that’s you, let me offer you this encouragement:  let your call give you the energy to manage your money well.

As Andy Stanley points out, everyone lives on a percentage of their income.  You simply need to do the hard work to discover what percentage you live on. 

An old formula still works best: 

• Give 10%.
• Save 10%.
• Live on 80%.

To live on 80%, you will have to manage your household well.  You will have to tell your children “no.”  I was talking to a pastor who was drowning in debt.  He took his son to Disney, put it on a credit card, because he wanted his son to have a good birthday.  I get the Father love involved, but how will that Dad feel when he has to say to his son, “Sorry, there’s no money for us to help you go to college.  You will have to borrow money.”  How will the son feel when he has to shoulder tens of thousands of dollars in debt because his parents did not manage their household well?

Let me gently confront you with some traps to avoid:

• “The bank will lend us money, so we can afford it.”  Nope, the bank wants to make money off you and doesn’t care if you go deeper in debt.
• “You’re always going to have a payment, so I might as well get a new (car, motorcycle, boat).  After all a payment is a payment.”  Nope.  You can actually pay cash for a car that is not new.  You can save for discretionary purchases.
• “I give my time, so I don’t have to tithe.”  Nope.  Not in the Bible.  Plus, trying selling that to your volunteers.
• “The church doesn’t pay what I’m worth so I consider what they don’t pay me as my tithe.”  Nope.  I know you are probably underpaid, but someone else’s sin doesn’t justify your bad decision.
• “I’m trusting God to take care of me, so I don’t need to save.”  Nope.  This goes against the whole idea of wisdom.  Read Proverbs.  God put Wisdom Literature in the Bible for a reason:  so people will be wise.  That means saving.  Saving is wisdom.
• “I know I shouldn’t put this on the credit card, but my (wife, husband, children) will be deprived if we don’t (do this activity, go on vacation, have a big Christmas).”  Nope.  Your children and spouse will be more deprived by the stress your financial situation brings.
• “I know we need to change the way we live, but my wife/husband has no idea how bad a shape we’re in and I’m afraid to tell her/him.”  Nope.  Time will not improve the news.

Start today.  Admit you need help.  Check out Dave Ramsey.  Have the tough conversation.

When you start to manage your own money well, it gives you a spiritual authority you need to lead God’s people.

When Do You Talk About Tragic Events at Church?

When I opened up Facebook Sunday morning, every pastor I know was posting about the events in Charlottesville, Virginia.  As the day progressed, I heard of pastors redoing sermons, speaking directly to their congregations.  So did I.

How do you know when to talk about tragic events at church?  After all, every week brings a new tragedy.  If we address them all, we run the risk of “tragic event fatigue.”  Which events really merit addressing? 

These five questions may be useful:

1. Is everyone talking about this?  Tragedies in Pakistan are horrible, but they may not impact many in your community.  On the other hand, if you serve a church in the South, race is a cultural legacy you have to face.   A violent incident in a nearby state that involved race had to be addressed, or I would have looked clueless.
2. Is a gospel issue involved?  The national press tends to lump the alt-right movement in with the Evangelical political movement.  Churches like the one I serve are seen as evangelical.  So I need to help our people understand what it means to follow Jesus- and what it doesn’t mean.  In this case, Jesus does not condone racism.
3. Is God opening a door through this event for me to challenge people?  In the case of Charlottesville, I saw a chance to ask people to: 1. Pray corporately for our nation; 2. Learn again the hard work of praying for our enemies.  I invited people to pray for the driver of the car that crashed into the crowd, James Alex Fields; 3. Remember our church is agent for change in our community.  We bring change when we love one another; and, 4. Show sensitivity to others from different racial backgrounds in our church.
4. If a person far from God is present in worship, is he or she expecting someone to address or acknowledge what has happened?  If the answer to this “yes,” you have to address it.  You may not need to change your sermon.   You might deal with it in a prayer.  You might change up one point in the message.  You might modify your response opportunity.
5. Is this celebrity news?  If the answer is “yes,” be careful.  I remember the Sunday after Princess Diana died.  Everyone was talking about it.  There wasn’t really a gospel issue (except whether or not she was a child of God, but that’s not for me to say).  I couldn’t really see any discipleship challenge to put before people, however.  Would a lost person want me to address it?  Doubtful.  They probably didn’t come to church to catch the latest news about the Princess (although I know some church members who missed church that morning to watch the news).  The bottom line:  I didn’t address it.  Celebrity news should not control the Sunday agenda.  If I served in England, however, my response would have been different.

There are more good questions, but these five are a start.  Remember the most important thing is to pray for God’s guidance.  If you don’t feel a peace about addressing it, don’t.

My Blog and Welcome to It

Not too long ago a friend asked me to drive one state over and give him advice about this church.  He would even pay me, he said.  I took off a Thursday afternoon, made the two hour trip, and pulled up to his church.  First thing I noticed – no signage to tell me where to go.  Now, I’m a professional church guy so I had a pretty good idea, but I couldn’t help but wonder how first time guests react.  I select a door (turns out it was the right one) and see a nice lady behind a sliding glass window.  She gets up from her desk, walks over, slides the window open and asks how she can help me.  I told her who I was and ask for my friend.  What I didn’t say was “How many times do you have to get up and down to open a window each day?”  In the 90 seconds I waited for my friend, I noticed the center table in the lobby (where all first time guests would pass if they found the right door) was covered the latest issue of Mature Living, a denominational magazine for senior adults.  “Great impression for families with young kids,” I thought.

My friend came around the corner and we dived into the problems he wanted to discuss.  I spent the day learning about his church, their setting, and meeting his staff.  I gave them a bunch of ideas, including a few thoughts about signs, windows, and image.  Most of what I shared was simple stuff that an outsider could see, but an insider may have be blind to.  At the end of the day, my friend thanked me for my time and insights.  His tone told me he thought the day had been a burden to me, a favor I was reluctant to grant.  Nothing was farther from the truth.  I told him, “I love talking about church, about leadership, and about working in God’s Kingdom.  It jazzes me!  It’s fun for me.”

I want to tell you the same thing:  I love talking about church, about leadership, and about working in God’s Kingdom.  That’s what wclaysmith.com is all about.  It’s written for leaders in all venues, it’s about the world of church, and about working in God’s Kingdom.  Anyone who serves in the Kingdom of God should find something of value here.

I also do a devotional blog, unlikelyclay.com.  If you are looking for my devotional thoughts, check there.  If want to know my take on leadership, church life, organizational health, etc.  this is the blog to check.

I look forward to lots of conversations with you!